Music and Tears

I read this quote today and I LOVE it. It is exactly how I feel.

"The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."
-author unknown

It's still Broken

After Scott was born I had a tangible pain in my chest, my heart hurt. The other night I was dreaming about Scott. Whenever I dream about him it is very unrestful sleep. I just toss and turn. When I woke up I had the very same pain I had right after he was born. The immense pain lasted for several days. No one knew, probably no one cared. But it hurt. It still hurts. I miss Scott so badly. I still can't understand why Heavenly Father took him away.

He Came As A Whisper

When Scott was born we were blessed to have Grandma and Papa Anderson, Grandma and Grandpa Young, Rebecca, Rachael, Allen, Ashlie, and Jill at the hospital. Many times I have felt like it was important to any one but me.

In November this year Chris, Joe's mom, was showing me some cute stories she had written. She then asked me if she had ever shown me what she wrote the night Scott was born. I had no idea she had ever written about Scott. I read the poem she wrote and started to cry. It is so beautiful. Along with the tears being shed about my sweet son I was crying because I finally knew how special that night was to her as well. My love for my mother-in-law grew so much more.

Here is the most beautiful poem I have ever read.

He Came As A Whisper

by Christine Young

"He came as a whisper, soft, sweet, innocent. He fell upon us silently, invading our heartstrings, pulling and tugging. He drank in our tears and listened to them silently fall. Silent echos of love filled that small room in those precious few minutes.

He came softly, without cries or tremors of fear. Life brushed across his tiny existence and kissed him gently good-bye. We cry out for time to cease that we can memorize his little face, the gentle slope of his nose, the hairs of his head, the curves of his ears. We gaze in awe at his perfect feet and fingers and toes, all complete but still.

Our hello was more brief than our good-byes. What wondrous soul did we meet in such a brief encounter this cold December night? When we meet again will we recognize each other? Will tears bathe our faces once more in joyous reunion? Good-bye for now, our little one. You will be missed but never forgotten. You have carved a place in our hearts, forever dear, forever our little Scott Leland Young. --December 28, 2007."

Richard Paul Evans » Angel Statues

I hope to see you at the ceremony this Sunday!

Richard Paul Evans » Angel Statues:

"The Christmas Box Angel Statue was introduced to the world in the book The Christmas Box, a worldwide bestseller and hit television movie by author Richard Paul Evans. In the book, a woman mourns the loss of her child at the base of an angel monument. Though the story is mostly fiction, the angel monument once existed but is speculated to have been destroyed. The new angel statue was commissioned by Richard Paul Evans, in response to reports that grieving parents were seeking out the angel as a place to grieve and heal. The monument was dedicated on December 6, 1994-corresponding with the date of the child’s death in The Christmas Box

(Coincidentally, Dec. 6th is celebrated in many parts of the world as Children’s Day). At the request of Sexton Paul Byron and Salt Lake City Mayor Deedee Corradini, Salt Lake City donated the land on which the monument stands. The sculpture is the creation of a father and son from Salt Lake City, Utah, Ortho and Jared Fairbanks, and modeled according to the description in Evans’ book. The face of the angel is that of Evans’ second daughter, Allyson-Danica. If you look closely you can find on the angel’s right wing (west) the word “hope.”

Flowers, sent from around the world, adorn the base of the monument year round, accompanying notes left by parents for their “little angels.” On December 6th of each year (7 p.m. MST) a candlelight healing ceremony is held at the base of the Christmas Box Angel monument. After a few remarks, a moment of silence, and the lullaby of a children’s choir, the attendees are invited to leave a white flower at the base of the angel statue. The public is welcome. For a map to the Salt Lake City statue, click here: Angel Statue Map."

Walk of Remembrance and Hope

This year was the 14th annual Walk of Remembrance and Hope sponsored by Share. I was such a beautiful day at the cemetery. My niece Riley asked if she could come with us and if I would get a shirt for her too. I was more than willing to have her come and to buy her a shirt. She is such a sweet heart. She frequently gives me hugs and tells me she misses Scott. I am glad she was able to come with us.

The program was very nice. Pamela Hansen, the author of Running with Angels and Finding the Angel Within, was the speaker. She has two angel babies. She said that she host a Running With Angels 5K every spring at Thanksgiving Point. I am looking forward to participating in that event.

After the program we took a short walk around the cemetery and then got a balloon and wrote Scott's name on it for the balloon launch ceremony.









We had a moment of silence to remember our baby and then they began reading the names. It is so touching to hear the names of all the angel babies. It makes me so sad when I hear names of families that have lost multiple children.







As they read Scott's name we released Scott's balloon. We talked to Hayden for a couple of days prior to the event about what we were going to do so that he would be okay letting the balloon go. We told him we were going to let the balloon go so it could go to Heaven so Scott could have a balloon. In the morning before the walk he started telling me he had to hold the balloon tight because he would be sad if it blew away. Once again i told him we wanted to let the balloon go to Heaven and he was okay with that.


The two balloons in the middle were for Scott. Riley and Hayden each had one for him.

It is neat to see so many balloons in the sky but it is sad realizing how many babies die.

Note From a Friend

My great weekend of remembering Scott continued today. As I was checking Facebook I saw that I received an email from one of my dear friends I grew up with.

Okay now I am bawling-- so bear with me. I just got on your blog about little Scott. I am so touched by your sweet spirit. I am extremely sorry you have had to deal with this and will continue. Its almost bad to say but I am jealous to know that you have a perfect little boy waiting for you and watching over you and your family-- your own little guardian angel. Know that he is waiting for you. I am not sure if you know, but I had problems when Brinley was born. I was so scared I was going to lose her. I let fear take over me. The moment in the hospital when I allowed my Heavenly Father to take me in his arms I felt the peace that whatever the outcome life will go on. (as hard as it is sometimes) I am lucky enough to have her in my life. I know Heavenly Father doesn't take US in the equation when the little ones are born. Its all part of His great plan. Know that Heavenly Father had something great and special for him because he wouldn't intentionally do this to another one of his children. Remember all the time he loves you. Find peace with him and only him. You will be strong-- and on those days you are not, Let it out. Don't worry about if other have forgotten about Scott. Only you will know the love you have for him. That is all that matters-- a mothers love!! Thinking about you. Have a great day :0)

I hope I haven't said anything to upset you-- just want you to know a friend is thinking of you!

Upset me? Now way! You made my day. Thanks for thinking of me and my baby.

God's Gift

This is another poem that Jennifer sent me. it was written by her aunt.

Gods Gift

I was searching for answers on this gloomy day
So I fell t o my knees and I started to pray
Dear God, you have taken so much from me
I’m alone in the darkness and I cannot see
Why did you give me a child to love?
And then take him back to our home up above?

My child, He said, you don’t understand
I have all things in the palm of my hand
I have a plan, one made just for you
So you can come home when this life is through

It is not I who takes, I always give
Blessings that teach; you must learn as you live
Sometimes these blessings will be masked in strife
But stay close to me and I’ll guide you through life
Just know for today you’re my child to love
And I want you back in our home up above
Now when that time comes, there will be such joy
To be there to greet you will be your little boy

Thank you dear God, I said as I cried
Now I understand why my child died
As I continued to pray and day turned to night
Where once there was darkness, now there was light
He hadn’t taken and now I could see
He had given the gift of an angel to me

Michelle Kelle May 2000