Wednesday, March 11, 2009

He Lives

Last weekend we went to some friends' house for dinner. When we got there Crystal gave me this beautiful picture. She told me her father had made this for someone in their family that had a baby die. She pointed out that the baby is holding on to Christ's shirt signifying that the baby is alive.

I know that Scott is alive. I know that he is with Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. I know that I will be with him again.

I am so grateful to friends and family who think about me and remember my baby boy. At church on Sunday I was telling a friend of mine, that has also had a baby die, about the picture and I told her I would get her a copy of it. We talked about how good it feels when others remember our children. She said that the longer it gets the less people remember. That made me sad.

White Scott

Hayden loves to hold the molds of Scott's feet. I am grateful that we got them bronzed so that he can hold them. The other day he climbed on the couch and asked to hold Scott. I said OK and got down the feet and handed them to him. He said, "No Mommy, the white Scott." Meaning the mold of Scott's face. I told him he couldn't hold that one because it could break.
I thought it was so cute. He has now referred to the "White Scott" multiple times.

Three Boys

The last couple of weeks I have been a little sad that it is not obvious to the world that I have three boys not just two. When we were at the car dealership we had Hayden and Parker with us. While we were waiting for paper work we were chatting with the salesman. Many times I wanted to blurt out that I had another baby as well. When people ask me how many kids I have I have no problem saying three. I love to let people know about Scott. But it is the times when people don't ask that bothers me. It wasn't relevant to our conversation or anything. It would have been out of place for me to say I had a baby that died. I felt like I kept waiting for a chance to mention Scott and it never came.

The next week I was at Costco and an older gentleman commented on my two cute boys. Again, I wanted to blurt out that I had another cute boy.

A few weeks ago we were doing sealings at the temple. Our sealer asked how many children were at home. I could not just answer his question. I said I have two boys at home and one in heaven.

I know this may seem strange to many people. Scott is always in my thoughts and I wish the whole world could know him the way I do.