Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I Miss You


I miss you so much! The last few days I have been so sad. I just want to give you a hug and a kiss and hold you. I know Heavenly Father needed you at this time but I want you here with me. I pray for you everyday. I pray that you are working hard for our Father in Heaven. I pray that you will know of my love for you. I pray that you won't get too busy and forget about me.

Today I read about twins that were born alive at 22 weeks. They lived for over an hour. I know this sounds wrong but when I read stories like this I get very jealous. Why was this mom granted one hour and I wasn't given even one minute?

I know that there are people that don't think I am very good mom. I know I have many faults and weaknesses but I can promise you this, I love you and my other children more than anyone else in the world ever could. It would do anything for you.

Please help me find the comfort I need. Please help me be the best I can be so we can be together gain one day. But most of all, please know that I love you so much.


Monday, May 11, 2009

Mother's Day

Last year Mother's Day was very hard for me. It was my first Mother's Day without Scott. I had gone to the cemetery, where my great grandmother is buried, with my mom. I saw so many headstones of babies. I felt horrible that all these babies had been buried and had a place but mine did not. I missed Scott so much and I could barely keep a handle on my emotions.

This year was so much better. I thought about Scott all day. I planned on visiting the cemetery in the afternoon. When we left to go to my mom's I put flowers in the car to take to her and Hayden started saying, "Flowers for Scott. Flowers for Scott." I told him we would go see Scott but the flowers ere for Grandma. We gave the flowers to my mom but cut a whole bunch of lilacs and took them to the cemetery.

Joe and Hayden walked across the cemetery to throw old flowers away. I was glad to have a few minutes to sit by myself next to Scott's headstone. As simple as it my seem to some finally being able to bury Scott and have someplace to go has helped me tremendously.

I am so thankful that Heavenly Father blessed my life with Scott. Although I don't get to hold him everyday here on Earth as I would like to, he is still part of my daily life. I love him so much. I look forward to the day when I can hold him in my arms again.