Do You Want a Fox?

Scotty,

I miss you so much. Today we were at Sam's Club and there was a giant stuffed fox. It was so soft and cuddly. I showed it to Hayden and he said we should buy it for you. I wanted so badly to buy the fox. What two and a half year old little boy wouldn't want such a big stuffed animal? I wish you were here so I could buy you special little presents.

I can't believe you would be 2 1/2. I find myself wondering what you would be like if you were here with me. I want to know all about you. What is your favorite color? What is your favorite book? What do you like to play? Hayden has lots of questions too. He wants to know if Heavenly Father gives you hugs when you cry. I want to believe that you don't cry. I want you to be happy. But maybe you get sad too. Maybe you miss me as much as I miss you.

Sometimes I find myself wanting to be in the same situation again so I can feel you close to me. So I can relive every bit of your life that was so incredibly short. I long to hold you and kiss you. I think of you everyday. I love to say your name.

I often wonder why I have never had the privilege of seeing you in my dreams or in the temple or something. I want to know what you do all day. I have so many questions to ask you. What is Heaven like? Do all the babies that die stay in some group with some very important work to do? Why does Heavenly Father need so many babies? Why couldn't you stay on Earth with me?

Please always know that Mommy loves you!

Hugs and kisses,
Mommy

Thinking of You

Thought of you with love today,
but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday,
and days before that too.

I think of you in silence,
I often speak your name.
All I have are memories
I wish I had pictures in a frame.

Your memory is a keepsake,
with which I'll never part.
God has you in His keeping,
I have you in my heart.

I saw this on facebook tonight.

I Miss You

Scott,

I miss you so much! The last few days I have been so sad. I just want to give you a hug and a kiss and hold you. I know Heavenly Father needed you at this time but I want you here with me. I pray for you everyday. I pray that you are working hard for our Father in Heaven. I pray that you will know of my love for you. I pray that you won't get too busy and forget about me.

Today I read about twins that were born alive at 22 weeks. They lived for over an hour. I know this sounds wrong but when I read stories like this I get very jealous. Why was this mom granted one hour and I wasn't given even one minute?

I know that there are people that don't think I am very good mom. I know I have many faults and weaknesses but I can promise you this, I love you and my other children more than anyone else in the world ever could. It would do anything for you.

Please help me find the comfort I need. Please help me be the best I can be so we can be together gain one day. But most of all, please know that I love you so much.

Love,
Mommy