Yesterday marked seven months since Scott was born. Oh how I wish he could have stayed here on Earth with us. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my precious little angel baby. As you can imagine there have been a lot of ups and downs in the last seven months. Thankfully I have Hayden, who brings so much joy into my life.
I have the molds of Scott on the shelf in the family room. Hayden loves to hold them. A few weeks ago Hayden began saying Scott. It sounds more like "A-dot." It is adorable. Last Friday Hayden walked over to the shelf, put his hands out and said, "A-dot" to show me he wanted to hold the molds. It makes me so happy that even though Scott isn't with us he is still part of our family and Hayden is learning about him. That was a big "UP" for me.
Unfortunately not everything is an "UP." Friday afternoon I was reading blogs. Sarah (her baby girl, Savannah, was stillborn in Feb.) had a link on her blog to a family whose baby was still born a few weeks ago. It is so heartbreaking to me to know that there are so many families dealing with this very difficult situation. I bawled for so long on Friday, partly because of the sadness I feel because Scott isn't here but partly because of the sorrow I feel for this family as well.
Saturday I was shopping and Wal-Mart and I saw someone that looked familiar, but I couldn't place him. As I was standing by the door he had walked out and walked back in to come talk to me. He said, "You're Allen's sister, right?" As soon as he said that I realized it was my brother's friend Andy. He told me Allen had told him about my baby and he just wanted to say he was sorry. It meant so much to me that he would go out of his way to do this.
So many people avoid talking about Scott. Please know that Scott is a part of my family. I love him so much and I love to talk about him. It is so much harder for me when people forget about him or think that I am pregnant with my second child. Please, if you ever are wondering something about me, Scott, the experience of losing a baby etc., please don't hesitate to ask. It does not make me uncomfortable. I love to talk about my baby.
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Angel Baby
Scott Leland Young
Scott was stillborn December 28, 2007. My water broke the day before. I enjoyed feeling him wiggle and move up until the moment he was born. He was just too tiny to live outside the womb. Scott is my sweet angel baby and I look forward to raising him in the hereafter.
Angel Babies
5 comments:
Wow, I can't believe it has been 7 months. I love that Scott is so much a part of your lives and that Hayden is growing up aware of him. That's how it should be.
It seems like it never gets much easier - hearing about the death of someone's child, going to funerals, looking through their things. A family in my ward just lost their 21 year old daughter and I sobbed at their viewing (I didn't really even know them!) But at the same time I was happy. I love teaching my other kids about their big sister in heaven. And I love talking about my little angel, too - we're a lot alike that way. Sorry you had a bad day! I understand.
Jese- Thank you for sharing your experiences and your thoughts with us. Sometimes, those of us who have not been through a trial such as yours don't know what to say or are afraid of saying something stupid or hurtful, so we don't say anything at all. Thank you for reminding us not to stay silent.
I love you!
Love,
Cort
Ditto. I'll talk about my Zee forever. And so does my daughter. It's a unique relationship, but I'm still her mom.
Scott is so lucky to have you as his mom. I know that there are bad days still - and I think there always will be, just hopefully fewer and farther between.
Hang in there!
Ditto, ditto, ditto.
It's okay to have bad days, when I have them I actually feel a little closer to Savannah since I don't get to hold her every day and in the chaos of life some of the emotions I felt when I did hold her get lost! I'm still sorry I triggered a bad day though! I really debated putting the link to that family on my blog because I have so many friends that are pregnant, but I felt really strongly that they need prayers especially from strong mommies like you!
I'll see you Thursday.
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