Funeral Talk

It was just over a year ago when Joe and I went to the temple and when we came out we both felt so strongly that it was time to have another baby. Hayden was not quite eight months old. I always wanted to have my children close but never imagined having them that close. We didn’t think it would happen immediately but less than a month later we found out we were expected. We were so excited. I am truly amazed at how a mother, before she has ever seen or held her infant loves them instantaneously. The beginning of the pregnancy I had a few problems so I had some very early ultrasounds. By six weeks we could see our baby’s heart beating, however there was not much more than that. The problems ended within a few weeks and everything was going well. In December, I had another ultrasound and we got to see our tiny baby, now with a darling face, fingers and toes. Our baby was healthy and strong. It was only a short nine days later when I gave birth to my beautiful baby, Scott.

Heavenly Father has taught me so many things during the last seven months. As I share my experiences and the lessons I have learned I pray you can feel of my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the love of our Heavenly Father.

When my water broke I knew I was going to deliver my baby. I knew that he was too little to live outside of my womb. As I lay in the hospital bed I had the chance to pay close attention to the movements of my little baby. Oh how he wiggled. The nurse came in often to monitor the baby and there were many times I told her she didn’t need to because he was doing somersaults. I began feeling Scott move very early during my pregnancy. As I look back on this, I am so grateful to have been allowed to hold my baby for the five months that I did and to feel of his movements.

While I was in the hospital I was amazed at the overwhelming peace I felt. I know that my Savior was by my side the entire time. Right before I went to the hospital Joe and Matt gave me a priesthood blessing. After the blessing Christopher said, “I am so glad we go to church because now we have the priesthood and can have priesthood blessings.” More than all the other words that had been spoken those are the words that brought me the most comfort.

As I lay in the hospital bed the doctors and nurses kept checking me and saying everything looked fine and it was just a matter of time before I delivered. Maybe a day or a week they really couldn’t tell. I had a long time to think and pray about the situation. One thing that Heavenly Father kept letting me know is that Scott was not going to stay with us, no matter how long it took. I thought often about my other baby who needed me too. I remember praying to Heavenly Father and telling him that if it really was going to end in my baby dying to please let it hurry and pass because Hayden needed me too. Not long after I said that prayer, I had an ultrasound which again showed that the baby was OK. The doctor said to me again that he was not sure how long it will be until I delivered; maybe tomorrow or the next day. I will never forget how I looked at him and said, “No, it is soon, it will be very soon.” Immediately, I started having very painful contractions and it was only a few hours later that Scott was born. I know that Heavenly Father waited for me to be ready, to give me the time that I needed to cope with the situation and to listen to the Holy Ghost tell me, “All is well. Families are forever.”
Unfortunately, after coming home from the hospital I began to forget the sweet spirit I felt in the hospital. I thought perhaps Heavenly Father took my sweet baby from me because I was not worthy to have him. I wondered why we felt like we needed to have another baby when I already had a baby, if it was going to end like this. I questioned why I didn’t have a miscarriage at five weeks when I first had some problems. Heavenly Father has told me the same thing over and over. Scott needed to come to this Earth and receive a body. From the ultrasound at five weeks I know that Scott did not have a body. He had a blob of cells that would eventually form into a body.

I have prayed and had a number of priesthood blessings. Every time after praying or following a blessing I have thought of D&C 6:22-23 “Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried to me in your heart, that you might know the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?” Heavenly Father wants me to remember the spirit I felt while in the hospital. When I do, I am again filled with peace.

The Prophet, Joseph Smith is quoted as saying, “In my leisure moments I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …”

Those words are so comforting to me. Heavenly Father did not take my baby from me because I wasn’t worthy; he took him from me because he has that much faith and trust in me that I would be able to handle this difficult trial and Scott was to pure to be in this world.

A week after Scott was born we went to the temple to do sealings. I have done sealing many times in the past but this time meant so much more to me than ever before. I really pondered my temple marriage and the promise that my family is sealed to one another for eternity.
Again quoting Joseph Smith, “A question may be asked—‘Will mothers have their children in eternity?’ Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid.”
“Children … must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory—the same loveliness in the celestial glory.”
“You will have the joy, the pleasure and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.” …
The thing that stood out the most to me while participating in sealings is that we are promised that we will “come forth in the morning of the first resurrection.” Heavenly Father is truly a loving father. He will not make us wait even until the afternoon. I will be reunited with Scott in the morning of the first resurrection.

In my patriarchal blessing it states, “You will be blessed with wonderful children who will be an honor to you.” I used to think that this meant that my children were never going to do anything wrong. Now I see a different side. I feel so honored that Heavenly Father blessed me with such a perfect baby boy. I know where he is and I know how to get back to him again. I am so honored to be Scott’s mom.

Heavenly Father is still mindful of our families’ situation, even seven months later. He knows that I still hurt every day. He knows how much I miss Scott and wish that things could have gone differently. But I know he has not forgotten me.

1 Nephi 1:20 reads “But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” In the April 2005 General Conference, Elder Bednar taught “The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Receiving word last week that Scott’s remains were available to us and we would be able to have a proper burial for him is nothing short of a “tender mercy of the Lord.” It is just what Elder Bednar said, a blessing, loving-kindness, assurance, and consolation.

As Christopher taught me so well all of the blessings we have received come because we are members of the true church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. I am so glad we go to church because now we have the priesthood and can have priesthood blessings. I am so glad we go to church because I know families are eternal. I am so glad we go to church because I know I will get to raise Scott after the resurrection. I am so glad we go to church because I know Scott will again be made whole. I am so glad we go to church because I know that I have a father in Heaven who is mindful of me and loves me enough to let his son die so that all this is possible.

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.