National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

I love my baby boy so much and miss having him with me each day. I think about him daily and wish I could give him a kiss. I think what he would be like as he grows each day. I think of watching Hayden interact with him. I am grateful for the knowledge of eternal families and that I know we will be together again.

This is the poem that was on the program for Scott's funeral.

I'm going to tell you something
I hope you'll never have to know.
I'll tell you how a heart can break
And tears can constant flow.
I lost my baby boy you see,
An angel in my eyes
God chose to take his hand one day
And led him to the skies.
But please do not forget my child
He was a person too
And forever he will live
Inside of me and you.
So, please don't ever tell me
That time will heal my pain
Because not even time
Can bring him back again.
Just tell me he is happy
In that land way up above
He's snuggled in an angels wings
All wrapped in Mommy's love.

Author Unknown

A Walk to Remember

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, October is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Month. Today was the 13th annual Walk to Remember at Larkin Sunset Lawn. I feel very blessed that we were able to attend today. We were able to order shirts and other items with our baby's name on them.

There was a short program and then a short walk and balloon release. One of the women on the Share board read a sweet poem and introduced the speakers. I wish I had a copy of the poem because it rings so true. I talks about when we talk about our baby it might bring a tear to our eye but how much joy it brings to our hearts to hear other call our baby by name. It is so true. I love to hear others talk about my precious little Scott.

The speakers had a baby die 41 years ago when he was 18 hours old. Richard Pual Evans, author of The Christmas Box, contacted them 14 years ago to help with an angel statue that is now placed in Salt Lake City Cemetary to represent the child of the woman in the book ho visited her baby's grave. It is beautiful statue. It was so sweet to listen to the mother talk about her baby and tell us that life goes on but you never forget and even 41 years later shed a tear for your sweet baby.

A girl then sang a song called Calling All Angels, that I believe her brother had written when his baby girl died. After this short program we went outside and took a balloon and wrote our child's name on it. They then read all the babies names and we released our balloon when our baby's name was read.

It is so difficult to have a baby die but I was overwhelmed by the feelings I felt as some families had multiple childrens' names read. I cannot even imagine the pain those mothers must feel to go through such a difficult trial multiple times. I hope and pray that Heavenly Father does not see fit for me to experience this ever again. But with my current pregnancy I can't help but wonder if holding this baby in my womb is going to be the only chance I have to be with him too.

At the end of the balloon release they had refreshments and a rose for each of the mothers. It was a tearful event for me but such a wonderful experience as well to think about my precious Scott.

Headstone

Scott's headstone was finally set today. As I drove into the cemetery, hoping it would be there but not knowing for sure, I was a little nervous. I quickly could tell that it was there and could do nothing but smile. I am so happy to finally have it in place. It feels wonderful to see my baby's name in print and know that it will be seen by many others as well. I don't even have the words to accurately portray my feelings.

As we left the cemetery, Hayden kept waving and saying, "Bye Scott." I love that Hayden is learning about his little brother.