Funeral Talk

It was just over a year ago when Joe and I went to the temple and when we came out we both felt so strongly that it was time to have another baby. Hayden was not quite eight months old. I always wanted to have my children close but never imagined having them that close. We didn’t think it would happen immediately but less than a month later we found out we were expected. We were so excited. I am truly amazed at how a mother, before she has ever seen or held her infant loves them instantaneously. The beginning of the pregnancy I had a few problems so I had some very early ultrasounds. By six weeks we could see our baby’s heart beating, however there was not much more than that. The problems ended within a few weeks and everything was going well. In December, I had another ultrasound and we got to see our tiny baby, now with a darling face, fingers and toes. Our baby was healthy and strong. It was only a short nine days later when I gave birth to my beautiful baby, Scott.

Heavenly Father has taught me so many things during the last seven months. As I share my experiences and the lessons I have learned I pray you can feel of my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the love of our Heavenly Father.

When my water broke I knew I was going to deliver my baby. I knew that he was too little to live outside of my womb. As I lay in the hospital bed I had the chance to pay close attention to the movements of my little baby. Oh how he wiggled. The nurse came in often to monitor the baby and there were many times I told her she didn’t need to because he was doing somersaults. I began feeling Scott move very early during my pregnancy. As I look back on this, I am so grateful to have been allowed to hold my baby for the five months that I did and to feel of his movements.

While I was in the hospital I was amazed at the overwhelming peace I felt. I know that my Savior was by my side the entire time. Right before I went to the hospital Joe and Matt gave me a priesthood blessing. After the blessing Christopher said, “I am so glad we go to church because now we have the priesthood and can have priesthood blessings.” More than all the other words that had been spoken those are the words that brought me the most comfort.

As I lay in the hospital bed the doctors and nurses kept checking me and saying everything looked fine and it was just a matter of time before I delivered. Maybe a day or a week they really couldn’t tell. I had a long time to think and pray about the situation. One thing that Heavenly Father kept letting me know is that Scott was not going to stay with us, no matter how long it took. I thought often about my other baby who needed me too. I remember praying to Heavenly Father and telling him that if it really was going to end in my baby dying to please let it hurry and pass because Hayden needed me too. Not long after I said that prayer, I had an ultrasound which again showed that the baby was OK. The doctor said to me again that he was not sure how long it will be until I delivered; maybe tomorrow or the next day. I will never forget how I looked at him and said, “No, it is soon, it will be very soon.” Immediately, I started having very painful contractions and it was only a few hours later that Scott was born. I know that Heavenly Father waited for me to be ready, to give me the time that I needed to cope with the situation and to listen to the Holy Ghost tell me, “All is well. Families are forever.”
Unfortunately, after coming home from the hospital I began to forget the sweet spirit I felt in the hospital. I thought perhaps Heavenly Father took my sweet baby from me because I was not worthy to have him. I wondered why we felt like we needed to have another baby when I already had a baby, if it was going to end like this. I questioned why I didn’t have a miscarriage at five weeks when I first had some problems. Heavenly Father has told me the same thing over and over. Scott needed to come to this Earth and receive a body. From the ultrasound at five weeks I know that Scott did not have a body. He had a blob of cells that would eventually form into a body.

I have prayed and had a number of priesthood blessings. Every time after praying or following a blessing I have thought of D&C 6:22-23 “Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried to me in your heart, that you might know the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?” Heavenly Father wants me to remember the spirit I felt while in the hospital. When I do, I am again filled with peace.

The Prophet, Joseph Smith is quoted as saying, “In my leisure moments I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …”

Those words are so comforting to me. Heavenly Father did not take my baby from me because I wasn’t worthy; he took him from me because he has that much faith and trust in me that I would be able to handle this difficult trial and Scott was to pure to be in this world.

A week after Scott was born we went to the temple to do sealings. I have done sealing many times in the past but this time meant so much more to me than ever before. I really pondered my temple marriage and the promise that my family is sealed to one another for eternity.
Again quoting Joseph Smith, “A question may be asked—‘Will mothers have their children in eternity?’ Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid.”
“Children … must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory—the same loveliness in the celestial glory.”
“You will have the joy, the pleasure and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.” …
The thing that stood out the most to me while participating in sealings is that we are promised that we will “come forth in the morning of the first resurrection.” Heavenly Father is truly a loving father. He will not make us wait even until the afternoon. I will be reunited with Scott in the morning of the first resurrection.

In my patriarchal blessing it states, “You will be blessed with wonderful children who will be an honor to you.” I used to think that this meant that my children were never going to do anything wrong. Now I see a different side. I feel so honored that Heavenly Father blessed me with such a perfect baby boy. I know where he is and I know how to get back to him again. I am so honored to be Scott’s mom.

Heavenly Father is still mindful of our families’ situation, even seven months later. He knows that I still hurt every day. He knows how much I miss Scott and wish that things could have gone differently. But I know he has not forgotten me.

1 Nephi 1:20 reads “But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” In the April 2005 General Conference, Elder Bednar taught “The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Receiving word last week that Scott’s remains were available to us and we would be able to have a proper burial for him is nothing short of a “tender mercy of the Lord.” It is just what Elder Bednar said, a blessing, loving-kindness, assurance, and consolation.

As Christopher taught me so well all of the blessings we have received come because we are members of the true church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. I am so glad we go to church because now we have the priesthood and can have priesthood blessings. I am so glad we go to church because I know families are eternal. I am so glad we go to church because I know I will get to raise Scott after the resurrection. I am so glad we go to church because I know Scott will again be made whole. I am so glad we go to church because I know that I have a father in Heaven who is mindful of me and loves me enough to let his son die so that all this is possible.

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Memorial Service

Dear Family and Friends

When Scott was born in December, Joe and I made the uneducated decision to allow the hospital to care of Scott's tiny body. This is a decision that has been very hard to deal with since that time. About six weeks ago I wrote a letter to the hospital explaining some of my concerns with the lack of information and support I received while in the hospital. Two or three weeks ago Joe and I decided we would like to purchase burial plots for the two of us and we would place a headstone for Scott on one of the plots. This week, Tuesday, I received a letter from the hospital in response to my letter. One thing the letter said was that they contacted the gentleman who does the cremations for them, and he still had the remains of Scott. They gave me his name and number and I called him. He was very kind and said he has been dealing with this for long enough that he knows often times parents desire to have their baby back, so he keeps them in case they call. He also said he is continually taking to the hospital trying to get them to give parents more information. Yesterday he delivered Scott's remains to us.

We will be having a memorial service next Thursday to dedicate the grave and bury Scott's remains. We would love to have anyone who would like to participate in this special ceremony with us.

Thursday, August 7, 2008
10:00am
Riverton City Cemetery
1500 W 13200 S

If you will be in attendance please let me know so that I know how many to plan on. Thank you so much for your prayers and support the last several months.

Joe & Jessica Young

PS I know I do not have email addresses for everyone I should. If you know someone who would want to come please pass on the information?

Ups and Downs

Yesterday marked seven months since Scott was born. Oh how I wish he could have stayed here on Earth with us. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my precious little angel baby. As you can imagine there have been a lot of ups and downs in the last seven months. Thankfully I have Hayden, who brings so much joy into my life.

I have the molds of Scott on the shelf in the family room. Hayden loves to hold them. A few weeks ago Hayden began saying Scott. It sounds more like "A-dot." It is adorable. Last Friday Hayden walked over to the shelf, put his hands out and said, "A-dot" to show me he wanted to hold the molds. It makes me so happy that even though Scott isn't with us he is still part of our family and Hayden is learning about him. That was a big "UP" for me.

Unfortunately not everything is an "UP." Friday afternoon I was reading blogs. Sarah (her baby girl, Savannah, was stillborn in Feb.) had a link on her blog to a family whose baby was still born a few weeks ago. It is so heartbreaking to me to know that there are so many families dealing with this very difficult situation. I bawled for so long on Friday, partly because of the sadness I feel because Scott isn't here but partly because of the sorrow I feel for this family as well.

Saturday I was shopping and Wal-Mart and I saw someone that looked familiar, but I couldn't place him. As I was standing by the door he had walked out and walked back in to come talk to me. He said, "You're Allen's sister, right?" As soon as he said that I realized it was my brother's friend Andy. He told me Allen had told him about my baby and he just wanted to say he was sorry. It meant so much to me that he would go out of his way to do this.

So many people avoid talking about Scott. Please know that Scott is a part of my family. I love him so much and I love to talk about him. It is so much harder for me when people forget about him or think that I am pregnant with my second child. Please, if you ever are wondering something about me, Scott, the experience of losing a baby etc., please don't hesitate to ask. It does not make me uncomfortable. I love to talk about my baby.

Research Study

I am participating in a research study about spontaneous preterm births. I met with the doctor, Dr. Esplin, yesterday. (I met Dr. Esplin at the hospital the day Scott was born.) In addition to the study he will be seeing me throughout my pregnancy as I am being treated high risk.

I see Dr. Esplin three times for the study. Each time the will collect every kind of liquid sample they can get from me. They also do an ultrasound at each of those visits. The next time I see him for the research study will be in 3 weeks, I think.

I will see him at 18 weeks and the will start me on progesterone to keep hormone levels high. They will also do an ultrasound to check my cervix. They will check it again at 20 and 24 weeks to see if I have an incompetent cervix and need it sewn shut. They also check me for infection every time since that was the problem with Scott.

Because Scott was born early I have a 30% chance of having another preterm birth this time. That is not to say I would deliver at 23 weeks, but sometime before 37 weeks. Depending on how things go they might start me on steroids as early as 24 weeks to help the baby's lungs develop quicker. They will also watch me closely for contractions and see if I need to be on bed rest. But right now everything looks good.

I feel really good about doing this study and seeing Dr. Esplin. He said we will take every precaution with this pregnancy. I was glad when he said if I am every nervous or concerned to call him and he will get me in. He doesn't want me home worrying.

It was confirmed during the ultrasound that there is only one baby. I was kind of hoping for twins. I think it is a girl. Do you have a prediction?

SLY as a Fox

Before Scott was born we decided if we had a boy his name would be Scott Leland Young. We quickly noticed his initials, SLY. I often joked that we would have a sly little fox on our hands. I would say "when he is in high school the girls are going to tell him he's foxxy."

Last week Joe and I purchased this darling little fox stuffed animal. I was so excited when it was finally delivered last night. I have been checking the mail frequently. It is so soft. I love it.
Laura and Sarah, we better watch out, my sly little fox might be after one of your girls in the millennium. (Especially if he is at all as much of a flirt as Hayden is.)

In Rememberance of Scott

When Scott was born the people at Joe's work, UESP, gave us a gift card to Western Gardens. We decided that we wanted to use the money to purchase a tree in remembrance of Scott. We finally were able to get to the nursery today to pick out a tree.

I absolutely love magnolia trees (I even used to ask my family to call my Noli, short for Magnolia). We looked at several different varieties and settled on the Royal Star. I love the name of it. Joe really liked this one because it stays relatively small and Scott was very small.

I really hope that it grows well. We asked if we would be able to transplant it when we move and they said it would be fine. I look forward to watching our little tree grow and thinking about my little Scott.



This morning as we were getting ready to go to the nursery Joe told Hayden we were going to buy a tree to remember Scott by. Hayden turned around and walked to the book shelf and pointed up to the molds I have displayed of Scott. That made me so very happy. I love both my boys so much.

Happy Memorial Day!

Mother's Day

My sister helped me make this to give to my mom and Joe's mom for Mother's Day. I had wanted to give them molds of Scott's feet but we can't get the plaster molds to come out of the mold without breaking. I love the way it turned out.